11 Years...and Five Days...

I know I’m the side of Miss Lady that’s supposed to speak her mind without even thinking about a Pause button. But for the past 11 years now, there’s always ONE DAY that puts the brakes on a wild tongue. And no matter what, when THAT day comes around, all thoughts turn to “Where were you?” and “Who did you lose?” and “What if I’d been earlier/later, what would have happened?” Biggest libido-killer EVER…well, that is if you even wanted to DO it on THAT day.

I don’t even call it 9-11 or September 11, or anything like that. To this day, I CAN’T. The mere mention of those numbers put me back on the morning train watching heavy smoke come from two smokestacks that turned out to be the Trade Center Towers. They put me in the office of one of my supervisors, looking at the TV screen, a live shot of the Towers in clear view. Except this shot has ONE tower and a huge cloud of smoke and broadcasts the numbness of realization, of our then-fiancee working blocks away, wails from our co-worker not being able to reach her mother, and of walking across the 59^th Street Bridge because for the first time since the 70’s Transit Strike, all trains had been shut down. And worst of all, those numbers bring back what Miss Lady’s mother, safe at home, would tell me, well, US, about a Sister in our then-church with the same name who’d just started working in the last Tower to fall and the first one hit…just STARTED  a new job a few weeks before, but now there’s no word from her, and never would be again.  So I stick to the words. It’s not like I’m going to say “THAT day in September” and no one’s going to have a clue what I’m talking about.

Anyway, around this time of year, Miss Lady consumes herself with thoughts of how far she still needs to go in terms of writing, saving money, keeping a job, blah, blah, blah. So it falls to ME to plant seeds that may or may not be harvested as future opportunities for published greatness. Basically, SHE does the remembering, I do the progressive plotting! So this year, we divided THAT day into two parts: the early part, she found a website link that broadcasted the Reading of the Names, she listened for the young Sister’s name (who they FINALLY pronounced correctly this year!) and paid her respects in that way. The later part of the day, I got to take over! Not only did I get a redraft of her bio going and freshen up her YouTube page, I’ve been extending some Twitter-wisdom and getting great feedback in that department! I even went to the mattresses and came up with some vintage erotica in ready-to-submit formation! Miss Lady may blush about it, but that little story was HOT, and I would LOVE to see who else feels us on that one!

Now I’m not saying either of us disrespected THAT day in ANY way. Believe me, it was quite the contrary. The day was a good balance between never forgetting and remembering that we’re still here to write and make things right in the world, or just help those we hold dear to us in the world that’s all our own. Ugh…getting a little too girly on that last line, so I’m just going to wrap up by saying this…11 Years and we’re STILL here; Never Forget THAT!

Not Entirely An Evil Thought...!

@EdenCafe: This early in the morning, the only things that should be legal are sex, coffee, and urination. Shared via TweetCaster

Parental MIS-Guidance

If there's one thing I've learned from YEARS of bottling up "Little-Miss Good-Daughter's" baser impulses towards self-preservation, it's THIS:

When her mother calls and says those words "I don't want to bother you with this", she usually DOES, whether it was intended or NOT. Little-Miss (that's my name for her) been the one in the family with the quote-unquote Good-Job-Out-Of-College, so sometimes I really feel like her mother knows EXACTLY what she's doing when she calls Little Miss to beef about THIS new moment of disrespect from her father, or THAT unexpected expense that they need help in paying.

Now, she has a brother, and it's just the two of them paying their own way up North, but it's ALWAYS Little-Miss who gets the "I don't want to bother you" call. Why? Because from what I've seen, her 'rents have figured out LONG ago which of their children is going to through hell so they can get a taste of heaven! It's not that her brother's unreliable or some mess like that...he's just not equipped to handle high-pressure situations, especially those situations where CASH is involved!

I know all the phrases: "you should be glad to still have your parents together", "you should give thanks that they're still around for you, and that you have the money coming to help them out and whatever you give for them will be returned to you" and blah-blah-bleeping-BLAH!!! *sigh, growl!* All I know is whatever Little-Miss was hoping to accomplish with her side-hustle pay has just been blown all to hell because of her parents' immediate need. Then again, some of this is her OWN fault, too. She's so damn scared of being cast out of the gates of humanity or some mess like that, that she can't bring herself to say the word NO once in a doggone while!

Here's the scene, which has become pretty damn tired by now: Her mama calls, Little-Miss picks up the call, asks how moms is doing, how's daddy and the puppies, etc. and so forth. Mama says she's pretty good or pretty bad, whatever, whichever...THEN she says what's REALLY the purpose of the call! In this case, it's her father trying to borrow money for a reunion being thrown by aunts and uncles on HIS side of the family and she wishes he wouldn't, that it's embarrassing...so what does Little-Miss do? She goes right to the trouble and asks "How much do you need?" Mama tries to put up resistance of course; that's just good manners and such. But please! Moms figured out LONG ago which of her children was going to give her what she wanted! So Little-Miss gets the "don't want to bother you" call, and brother doesn't GET bothered! In fact, in this particular scene, Little-Miss has to DEMAND her moms to take the money! What kills ME is after all that BS negotiating, her moms says something like "she can't wait for her children to visit her again"...like THAT'S going to happen anytime now that Little-Miss is sending any chance of HER doing any traveling later to fund her 'rents travel plans NOW!

Yes, I'm being a total bey-yotch about the scenario because I know Little-Miss never will be. Her 'rents are everything, so if she has to kill her credit rating to make them happy, that's what she's going to do. Her 'rents sacrificed to bring her into this world, 17 hours of labor, and all kinds of stuff like that there, so she probably figures now she HAS to make sacrifices to make THEM happy.

Just another one of those moments where she'll just never let the ugly, selfish moments out of her system and speak her mind...but then again, that's why I'M here!

So Pleased To Meet You...

Sometimes, great artists have alter-egos. In order to create, go against the grain, or to just be SOMETHING closer to their truer essence, they have to portray another image, persona or character. Whether it's on an easel or on a stage, this is how some visions are made a little more clear and where unspoken words finally get said.

That's where I come in. I'm the "evil twin", the bad-ass maiden in the matrix after Morpheus beamed me up and outfitted me with tight leather and butt-whipping machinery. I'm Shug Avery. I'm Miss Celie when she finally found her courage, Foxy Brown when she stepped up to take her revenge! I am a momma's boy's WORST nightmare, a playboy's best friend...SO much more than what we started out to becoming...and if that body that houses me could just tap into this energy so that we could BOTH be winning...DAMN! Wouldn't that be something!

But until then...

Until she finds her way...it's up to me to say what she won't say, play the part she's meant to play...well, that's how I sees it, anyway...

She’s neurotic, I’m erotic; her words may fumble, but I won’t mumble. She won’t make a scene, that’s my time to SCREAM! And we dream...yes, we both dream...to find the missing piece that will tie together this life’s grand and glorious scheme!

So pleased to meet you; the name’s Arianna Roget...I'm the Librarian’s G-String.